I choose life

I do not know what's going on?

isn't it strange when friends say that one friend thinks your mad at them when your really not mad at them but you think that theay are mad at you? ha i confused you! but really my friends are hella confusing me with the drama that i'm supposed to be in. truthfully i'm kind of mad at my friend but probabily because I feel she ignores me for her boyfriend and the thing is that she does this to me everytime she has a boyfriend. Like one while I talked to her she was talking nonstop on the phone to boyfriend but i mean at least i talked to her, with this it's different because we're all supposed to be like family - brothers and sisters- and he seems like he got to know me less throughout their whole relationship.The silly thing is Me and my friend ali are the reason that they are togehter, when i was the telling her yea he will/ does lik you back , you just have to talk to him and you know what all that came to bite me on my ass because now she doesn't talk to me. She sneaking around trying to do stuff for prom but it's like i already know , i'm not stupid. uggggggghhh! She tells me to her what's wrong but how can i tell her what's wrong when other people are like oh u have the friends ever? I mean I know I do , it's just I want to see her happy it's just I do much for her and it's like to not talk to me is so juvenile.iono

I am running on air

I have no energy. I am just a body right now. There is nothing to do, no one to talk to. I am tired and grumpy all the time. I just want it to stop. I want to get out and go somewhere. It used to be so easy when I was little and I could ask my mom or someone to take me out or to go on vacation but now I have summer school (which I'm failing). The truth is: I'm runned down .. my friend literally doesn't know what she does to me. It's like she's oblivious to my emotions. Take last night: She was was hanging at youth group with her boyfriend which is fine, but I was crying and she didn't give a care. It's like she turns in to a whole different person , before she was like we're sisters , we're this , we're that. But then she hella just walks away from me when I try to talk to her, it's like wth. And I mean, I used to think I could count on her , but it's like I can't anymore. I admit I am jealous of her a lot and I need to stop it , but she has her stuff to that hurts me and what really hurts is that she either doesn't care or she doesn't see it.So I just got so fed up with it until I couldn't handle it anymore and I just told her I am not going to interfere in her life anymore, if she wants to talk to me than she has to do it on her own.

I hate this feeling

I hate feeling like there's noone out there for me. I used to be the girl tat didn't want love in her life now I'm the yearning for it. It just doen't make any sense. I am not beautiful I know that but just some sense that someone doesn't care about it, that's my wish for the next years.